What is the repair value?
Do you currently find yourself separated or in dispute with a loved one? Are you wondering if there's a statue of limitations with regards to being separated from a loved one? Whether you've known this person for 11 years, (separated in the 7th year) which now makes 4 years of separation--with no sense of direction or end in sight . Well personally, I can't answer this question for you (regarding the limitations) and neither can math answer this question either. But what I can do is get you to examine the problem and repair value (worth) of your current predicament (relation-ship), so that you can ultimately draw your own conclusions about your own personal boundaries and limits .
The Power of a Problem and How It Wins
Have you ever heard the words or have said the words to someone out of hurt, or anger, " Leave Me Alone". Often these three simple words, have been said many times without a thought or care about how someone else may respond or receive them; all is known is that either you or the other person wants to be left alone. (But what if we said instead: "Leave me in Peace".) Another example is when someone in the relationship/ or friendship decides to shut down emotionally; or lastly one or both individuals are too stubborn to communicate the value of what matters, which prevents dialog, clarity, and understanding between them. These are the ways in which a problem wins, it wins by one's attitude or lack of observing the damages caused by not communicating the issues.
The Rules of Engagement
Even in separation there are still rules of engagement or otherwise disengagement may also add to the problem. A relationship/friendship actually has a better chance of survival and repair if we allow the other person to know where we are with the situation; even if we don't exactly know where the relationship/friendship/situation is heading.
Simple Rules of Engagement
Example:
I don't know where this relation-ship is going, and I need the space to decide or to take care of personal matters.
or I care to resolve the issues between us at a later time--just not now- I am not ready.
or I do not feel comfortable, speaking to you at this moment-I need more time and focus
or I care for you , but I am unsure about how to communicate what I need from you at this time
I am angry, upset or hurt, please give me the space to decide If there is anything I need from you
or I am still hurt, angry , or uncomfortable with you, I am not ready to talk
What is the Value of Repair
The value of repair between you and another is determined by the respect you give out, and the respect you receive back and vice-versa. When assessing the value of any relationship, one must consider the significance of respect. Its not about whose problem is winning between the two of you, it is simply about respect. Here are some questions to ask yourself while considering the value of your relationship:
Am I getting the respect that I deserve from this relationship and if not, is there something I'm doing wrong?
Do I feel comfortable with this person, am I being acknowledged
What actions do I need to take to show that this relationship/friendship is important
What steps have I already taken
What do I need from them
What impact is this relation-ship having upon my mood or spirit
If I am motivated to change or grow, would they also be motivated to grow for the benefit of our relationship
Am I happy , do I feel good
Does this relationship /friendship motivate me to feel good
Leave Me in Peace, and Not In Pieces
When upset or in a disagreement with a loved one it is often very easy, to say things quickly without thinking. But instead of saying , " Leave Me Alone, what if you said, "Leave Me In Peace." Saying, " Leave Me In Peace", acknowledges the fact that: you want peace in the moment, and any loving person should acknowledge that.
As the survival of any relationship depends on respect, it also depends on submission. Because in order to have progress, you must first make yourself available for development . Being available for development not only aids to the repair value of your relationship but it also provides peace. Ultimately, the longevity of any relationship/friendship requires individuals to work together to motivate each other to do good, and feel good about themselves, and each-other.
Work2Rise:- When people make themselves available for development, they also make themselves available for solutions.
Words4-ur.Wisdom:-If the value of repair is based on respect , then respect makes peace, and peace makes all things right.
---ALJ